Shadows Pt. 4

"Everything will be alright, I can make it through this. With Aster coming, I can finally get this out of my system. Papers... why papers? And why did this last word come to me through my cell phone? I mean, it has to be real, I still have the message after all. I flip open my phone for another look.
That's... that can't be right. So I may have freaked out, but I sure as hell didn't delete such a disturbing message. It's just... gone. And to think I could have showed it to Aster, it would've actually proven something. Oh god, maybe I am crazy. Now I don't even know if that message was real. Aster should be here soon, I gave him the address not too long ago, he said it should take him about half an hour. Should I call him? No, that will only make him panic. I look at the clock. Still got five minutes until he's here. I rush over to the bathroom and splash water onto my face. I breathe deeply. A loud bell rings from the hallway as I nearly dive my head backward. God, I'm way too jumpy. I have to relax or else Aster will just plain send me away.

“Comin', hold on!” I yell as I run to the door. I yank it open, washing the water from my face. Aster seems to have been looking elsewhere. He looks at me and smiles.

“Long time, Briar. You look thin.” Aster says as he gives me that stupid grin of his.

“You look fat.” He bursts into laughter, we both know that's bullshit, the guy is practically a figure of perfection. And yet, he looks different. It's been way too long. “Come on in, Aster. Want a drink?” I open my fridge and scan through my alcohol supply.

“No no, it was actually quite a hazardous drive comin' here. I'd rather not risk it, it was hard enough sober.” he says as he sits down by the island. I pass him a soda and sit across from him. “Nice place ya got here, Briar. Beats your old place by a mile, huh? Open, roomy, yet quaint. I like it.” he says as he examines the room.

“Yeah, I haven't gotten too used to it yet, it's only been about a week or two since I really settled in.” I crack open a beer.

“I wish you had told me about this whole move-in situation. You really caught me off-guard.” Aster looks hurt.

“I needed to get out. Things just didn't seem right back home. Call it cabin fever, I suppose.” That was true, I just never felt right.

“You got a job? Holding up a steady lifestyle, perhaps a woman in your life?” He smiles, but I can sense that he doesn't mean that jokingly.

“Yes, yes, and no. Got myself a steady gig at the Blank Page down the street, it keeps me busy so I don't do much. As far as women are concerned, too much is on my mind to worry about it.” Or even think about it, for that matter.

“Yeah, I don't know what's up with you and the dating scene, man. You practically drifted away from Lily for God knows what reason. Hell, maybe you just don't like to be tied down.” Aster laughs off that serious memento. Lily. I shake the thought of her out of my head.

“Things just didn't seem right with her, Aster. Everything didn't seem right. Everything still doesn't seem right...” Here goes nothing.

“Really? You sound alright to me.” Aster says.

“No, Aster. I've been unwell.” How the hell is he going to take this...
“Unwell? You mean like, sick?” He leans in, concerned.

“I don't really know. I...” I sigh. Get it together, Briar. “I've been hallucinating things lately.” Aster gives me a grim look. He looks around, confused.
“You serious?" He gives me a look of disbelief. "Have you been taking anything, drinking too much or something? Hallucinations aren't something that just happens.”
I sit there, silent for a moment.

“...Hm. It must be the sleeping pills I'm taking, I suppose...” Aster wouldn't understand. I can't tell him.

“With alcohol in your system? It's no wonder. You should be more careful, Briar. I mean it.” I've never seen him so serious before.

“Alright, alright. I'll be more careful next time.” Damn it all...

“You better. You sure there's nothing bothering you, Briar?”

“I'm alright, Aster. Promise.”

“Okay. Listen, you can call me whenever, alright? I'll be around. I'm gonna get going.” He says as he stands up. I smile.

“We're such different people now, aren't we, Aster?” I reminisce on the memories. He smiles at me.

“I guess so. Heh, I suppose we finally-”

“FINISH.”

I see nothing but that word splattered across the walls. Across the table. Across his face.

“-ed growing up. See you around, Briar.”

He leaves.

…

The door closes behind Aster. I sit there, catatonic. I burst into tears.”

Shadows Pt. 3

“It took a few calls, but he finally picked up. I know I haven't spoken to anyone from my home for a long time but... I'm sure they'll forgive me. It's not like I did anything wrong, if that's what you're thinking. But it's just that side of everyone that comes out when someone they hold dear leaves them. Let's face it, I had to move on with my life, find a new side of me. Well... I'm not sure how happy I am with this new “side” of me, whatever craziness I have. It could just be homesickness. That's normal, right?

“Briar. And to think, I was about to start putting up your name on milk cartons.” That strikes me. Until he started laughing. Aster, you sick bastard. “How are you holding up over there, my old friend?” His smile is almost palpable through the phone. It's good to know that I haven't been forgotten.

“I've been well, Aster. Got myself situated with a simple job and a nice place on the outskirts of the city.” I don't know if I should tell him just yet.

“Oh? Heh, you'll have to give me a tour some day! I'd love to see your new place.”
“That's actually what I was calling about. I need someone to talk to, is there a chance you could come over this afternoon?” Here come's the hardest part...

“This afternoon? Sudden, don't you think, Briar? ...Hm. Alright. I've got nothin' better to do. Pass me the address and I'll be right over.” Aster hangs up. He was never good with goodbyes. Not just on the phone either. In fact, I don't even remember saying goodbye to him... Yet, he's still coming. I'm feeling better already.

…

Not again. There's that sound again. Papers ruffling. No... This has to stop. I close my eyes. Please, not now... I open my eyes. No papers. Thank God. My phone starts to vibrate. Oh right, the address. I flip it open. Strange, that isn't Aster's number. In fact all it says is “34”. Must be the wrong number. Whatever, I'll read it anyway.
“REALIZATION.”

Oh God... What are you trying to tell me?! I text back. W...h...o...a...r...e...y...o...u...?
An immediate response.

“REALIZATION. REALIZATION. REALIZATION. REALIZATION. REALIZATION. REALIZATION. REALIZATION. REALIZATION. REALIZATION. REALIZATION..."

It went on forever. I need Aster... I need someone to talk to... What the hell is going on...”

The Unconscious Chapters -/- Shadows Pt. 2

W h a t  d o e s  i t  a l l  m e a n ?

This page... It just seems so familiar. I know I haven't written it, I'm positive of that. This isn't even what I was working on prior to this catastrophe. And yet it has my name. Ravine. There could be no other. It has my style. It has my words. It has my method. And yet, I know I haven't written it. It's been a month since the first page, and a month since I've written about this occurrence. Since then, I've been finding these everywhere I go. I've tried to leave the house, but something is holding me back. A nagging feeling. An uncertainty. Sometimes, a horrific terror. It's as if the Unconscious wants me here. It wants me to know. To marinate in my thoughts. I've contemplated insanity twice now. My reflection doesn't terrify me anymore, but at the same time, I don't understand why I still can't see myself. I'm still faceless, still nobody. But the Unconscious hasn't kept me alone completely. These papers, they keep returning. Appearing out of thin air, falling from above me. I've even grown to expect them. I haven't read them yet, but I think the Unconscious would want me to. There has to be some sort of message in them, an escape from this madness. No use putting it off anymore. Page 2. Show me the answers.

“The rest of the day seemed normal to me after that strange encounter with the room. It was stuck in my mind all day, and I couldn't shake it. I drifted off as I worked, I don't think Grove noticed. If he did, I'd probably be out of a job. No one likes a dreaming worker, even if this is a library. An imagination, maybe, but I can't shake the feeling that it wasn't just a mild-mannered daydream.

...Who am I kidding? I'm not insane. I haven't had a single mental issue in all of my li-... I stopped. What was I thinking just now? That's strange... I heard the rummage of papers from between the bookshelves. Something probably fell. I better pick that up. I walked over into the biography section where the noise came from. Strange, nothing seems out of place. I called out.

“Hey Grove, are you cleaning up somewhere?”
“Huh? No, I'm just doing my rounds, everything seems to be in place. Do we have a customer?” he asked.
“No, no, I just thought I heard something. No business yet.”
I walked back to the service desk. I went back to my thoughts. Slow business today, not too bad. I think I might be getting paid a little too much for this! Heh, what is it 'they' say? A smile. This is the li-

A flash. Papers falling again. What is going on... All of a sudden I'm back in the room.

“No... I can't be crazy... This isn't happening again...” I mutter to myself in a panic.

The words are still illegible. The back wall. Another word splattered to the pages.

“LIFE.”

I snap out of it. I'm on the floor. I feel my face. What, what is this... tears? Have I been crying? No, Grove would have heard me. I stand up. He comes out from one of the aisles.

“I heard something fall, was that you? ...You look beat! Are you feeling alright, Briar?”
Am I feeling alright? I'm not so sure...

“Yeah. Yeah I think I'm okay. Just stumbled is all.”

Grove seems to be concerned. But that wipes into a smile quickly.

“Closing time soon, clean up your space and I'll see you tomorrow. Maybe then we'll have better business.” he laughs as he heads up the stairs to his office.

Life... Another great question for me today. No rest for me when I head home, I think I just gotta tell someone about this, someone who won't say that I'm crazy. I clean up quickly and efficiently and leave the store.

...Yeah, maybe that's all I need.”